Laziness has outdone itself

Keeping in line with things I DON'T want for Christmas: A Nintendo Wii. There's a new article in the Wall Street Journal highlighting a burgeoning trend of people who are too fat and out of shape to play video games.

For those of you that don't know, the Nintendo Wii is a new video game system, where certain games require you to move the remote control in a manner that mimics the action of the characters on the screen. Simulated actions include, but are not limited to swinging a tennis racket, stabbing with a sword and bowling. Apparently people are experiencing fatigue, soreness and injuries as a result of these arm movements. It's times like these when I'm pretty ashamed to be an American. How did we become a nation of fat, lazy dingleberries who can't even PRETEND to swing a tennis racket without getting winded?

Honestly- who's getting injuries from playing video games and then reporting it to Nintendo? If I sprained my wrist playing video games, I'd lie about it and tell people I did it having a session with the wise master. That's WAY less embarassing.

All I want for Christmas is some mystery meat

Someone recently asked me what I want for Christmas and I couldn't really think of anything off the top of my head. I poked around online and came up with the perfect gift. I really can't wait to charge down the stairs on Christmas morning tear open my gifts and find a lifetime supply of "Fear Factor Candy Challenge".

This product is a little bewildering to me for more than a few reasons. How many kids do you know that set their Tivo up to record Fear Factor every week? My guess is that if you check out the iPod video of your average candy-consuming elementary schooler, you're more likely to find some 'sodes of Yu-Gi-Oh or even Family Guy than you are Fear Factor. I'm sure the folks at NBC have performed a more in-depth market analysis than I have, but I just don't see sweet-toothed tots as being the target market for that show.

The second major issue is the lack of creativity and clarity in the flavor varieties. Spine Chilling Spiders? Been done.... Buzzard Buffet? I don't even know what that would entail... Mystery Meat? Little kids face worse in their daily school cafeteria offerings. That's like trying to market shrapnel soup to an Iraqi soldier. If they really wanted to get racy and exciting with the flavors they should've made some gummi goat penis, peppermint cow tongue or candy coated bat testicles. Of course, then we all know who'd be first in line to pick up a box or two...