DIE! A Rhea is loose!

Sweet Jesus! I've never been so glad that I don't live in the UK as I was when I read this article. There's a six foot beast, called a Rhea, on the loose that "can run 20 mph, is incredibly strong and can kill with a single swipe of his six-inch claws or needle-shaped beak." Authorities are also quick to point out that the creature will not hesitate to gouge your eyes out.

Unfortunately this news breaks in the wake of Steve Irwin's death. I know his specialty was Crocodiles, but there's not a doubt in my mind that if he were still alive, Irwin would descend heroically from a helicopter, wrestle the deadly creature to the ground in ten seconds flat- laying the proverbial smack down, whisper sweet nothings into it's ear and then hop on it's back and ride it into the sunset.

Without the Croc Hunter, this behemoth is free to roam the countryside, terrorizing innocent Brits. It's like something out of a horror movie and my prayers are with the citizens of the United Kingdom.

P.S.- Who's the sick fu*k that dubbed this killing machine "Ralph"? That's like nicknaming the Black Plague, "Steve".

This particular Rhea, of the Caroline species, isn't super-strong, can't run 20 mph, but she probably IS capable of ripping your throat out with her six-inch talons or needle-shaped beak. So beware.